School starts back up on Monday. Well, okay, technically… I start back to my job on Tuesday and then to class on Wednesday. It is really crazy how time flies by… I am somewhat frustrated with myself for my last-minute decision to go back and register for more classes, because had I known that I was going to be taking classes, I could have worked in the Learning Center all summer long. With the option of even being full-time for summer. Just think how much money I could have saved up, because there is no way I would have spent it… Oh well, that’s life, I guess. I didn’t know, so I can’t regret it now.

As I sit here copying my little brother’s science tests for the coming school year, I am finishing up making the booklet that we hand out at/about our Awana club each year. Normally I would just edit the new information into my existing book on Publisher, but seeing as how I no longer have Publisher… I’ve been learning a new program. I bought the Adobe web bundle back in March, and it included InDesign, which I’d not had the opportunity to use until now. So.. I decided – what better time to learn InDesign than now?! I’ve been teaching it to myself, which is great, for the most part. Except that since I’d never worked with it before, I missed the setting that tells the program I want to use a half-page for each of my pages… so I started printing my book yesterday.. and it was printing on full pages. Cancel printing. I found the setting pretty quickly and corrected my mistake… causing a huge new task… I had to resize literally everything in the whole book, because it was all set for a full-page book. Well, I just finished redoing all that this morning. Time to print. Well.. I didn’t know I had to go to “File > InBooklet SE…” to make it print how I wanted it to print. Cancel printing. Again. Copy a couple more science tests while I explore more settings and buttons and consult the “Help” menu. Honestly, InDesign really isn’t that hard. It’s actually pretty easy. Don’t be scared of it. I love Adobe stuff. Just.. teaching myself a new program when I have a couple of weeks to put my project together is not really the best idea. 😉

*Time to change cds. Monk and Neagle’s latest just ended. How about some Mozart? If I don’t make it around to practicing piano in this crazy afternoon, at least I can listen to it, right?*

Copy another test. Only five more now.

So where was I anyway? I am not quite sure what direction this was supposed to take.

A couple of nights ago, I was really anxious. Just about life, about the future, about God’s plans and dreams for me. I would think, “What if __________ happens?” And then suddenly God reminded me. He reminded me of His Word:

“Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding. In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.” [Proverbs 3:5-6, Amplified Bible]

And I was okay. For a few minutes.

Pretty soon, another thought made itself at home in my mind, and I began to feel some jealousy and envy. I let myself feel like I was entitled to more than I have. You know, the more I dwell on my selfishness like that, the more it grows… at an ever increasing speed, until it’s breaking all speed limits.

Again God whispered to me. “Trust. Just trust Me.”

“Are Ya sure? Yeah, think about it, silly girl… you don’t ask God if He’s sure,” I kinda rolled my eyes at myself.

I let myself be reassured by Him.

It went on several times. My selfish questions and worries and ponderings, and God’s sweet patience with me. If He was like a parent here on earth, I get the feeling He would have said, “Okay, if you’re going to be like that, not listening to a thing I say to you, then have it your way. All those things you’re being selfish about… they’ll all go exactly as you’re so afraid they will.” Who hasn’t heard or said that at some point in life? Don’t you just want to rub it in when people don’t listen to you? I teach the early childhood kids at church and babysit quite a bit. I know that feeling. [Okay, so that sounds really bad. I honestly don’t do that to the kids… But do ya know what I mean? “No, you can’t run around in my shoes…. Aaaah, I give up! Fine, go on and run down the sidewalk in those shoes that are nine times your size. But don’t come cryin’ to me when you skin your knees!” Come on, you know you’ve said it.. or thought it… or at the very least, you’ve heard it. Don’t we feel that way a lot, even if we don’t always say it?]

I felt just like I was about three or four years old myself that night. I finally ended up just giving it to God. “Here. It’s Yours. I’m Yours. Please give me the patience and wisdom to follow and trust You in my life. Help me to wait on You and not try to grab for any part of my life back.”

God has amazing plans for my life. He has plans to prosper me. He’s never going to give me something in life that is not going to work out for good, because I love Him. [Romans 8:28] He has plans to give me hope and a future. A great future. [Jeremiah 29:11-14] That’s how God is. He loves His kids. I am so glad He doesn’t get frustrated and give up on me like we do down here.

It isn’t easy, but I am choosing to trust. Trust in the Lord. It’s the only way to live. I can’t lean on my own understanding of my circumstances, because my own insights were never meant to hold me. I have to build my life instead on my Creator.

I am looking forward to seeing what He has planned. What’s coming up. I know it’s great, even though I don’t know what it is. And I don’t want to let my life get monotonous. Who likes monotony? If all I do is worry and obsess over what might or might not happen, then I’m not really enjoying life and living it to the full. I’d so much rather choose to trust.

I want to trust Him to use me this next semester too. In class, as I tutor, as I walk through the halls. I want to share an infectious smile and a kind word with everybody. Pray for me please.

Well, the tests are all copied now. My book is printed. Guess I’ll go have my sister proofread it for me and then figure out what setting to mess with to make it centered. I thought it said centered… Oh well. I’ll figure it out. 😉