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“Above all, trust in the slow work of God.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown, something new…
Only God could say what this new spirit gradually forming within you will be.
Give our Lord the benefit of believing that His hand is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of feeling yourself in suspense and incomplete.”
~ Pierre Teilhard de Chardin,
as quoted in Praying for Your Future Husband, by Tricia Goyer & Robin Jones Gunn

How accurate is this?! We are SUCH impatient people. Well, okay, I don’t know who might be reading this, so I’ll modify my statement. I am an impatient person. Maybe you are too, I guess I really don’t know. 😉

I have days when I am pretty patient.. even weeks or months. At least when I am patient about certain things. But.. being patient overall? In general? For everything? Um.. well, I like to think that I am, but I know that I definitely am lacking in patience.

Sure, I have patience with most people. That was a character quality that really helped me as a tutor, and I feel like it’s pretty useful as a piano teacher to three young students as well! But.. there are so many kinds of patience.

I suppose the type of patience I am most lacking is patience to just know. And to know now. Like this quote says.. I am impatient and just want to skip over the “intermediate stages”. I want answers to the questions I have, and I don’t want to wait for those answers.

The trouble with this is that it so exhibits a lack of trust in God.

That’s an interesting thought… lack of patience = lack of trust in Him.

He knows the end of the story. But even more than that.. He wrote the story. He knows exactly what I need and the precise second that I need it. He knows that I want to know more than I do, but He also knows that I don’t really need to know, much as I’d like to.

It’s so easy to say with my words that I believe His hand is leading me, that I believe He knows His plans for me, that I believe His way is perfect. It is such an easy thing to let my words speak that I am waiting on His timing for all my life. That is so easy.. but it’s just not as easy to put feet to those words.

It’s not enough just to say I believe all those things.

I’ve got to actively live out my belief.

I have to live like I actually do believe He’s leading and guiding me in all things. I have to live my trust in God’s plans and in His perfect ways. I have to actively wait on His timing, not just say that I trust Him for it.

It actually is really, really hard to accept the anxiety of feeling in suspense and incomplete. It is so difficult for me to loosen my grip enough to let go of whatever it is that I think I know.

And why in the world do I think I know anyway? Why — when God made me, and He wrote not only my story, but also the entire book that my story fits into as just a tiny subplot — why do I think I am somehow smart enough and all-knowing enough and wise enough to figure it out myself? It’s not that I am trying to figure it out apart from Him, not really. Not purposely, at least.  I feel like it’s more of an unconscious reaction. I decide to trust Him with each area of my life, huge and minute.. and for a little bit I do great with it. But gradually.. bit by bit.. I slip back into almost a guessing game. Like I’m trying to analyze what is going on around and inside my life, all the while still praying about it and on the surface believing that I am still trusting God with all these details. I’m not sure how much sense this really makes, but that seems to be what I’m doing.

I suspect I’m not the only one.

See.. I know this so well though: I know that God gives wisdom to those who ask for it and seek it. I know that waiting and trusting produces perseverance and hope. It grows patience. Don’t believe me? Read Proverbs and James and the rest of the Bible. It’s all over His word.

And so.. once again I choose to trust my amazing Creator. I choose to trust and follow the leading of the Giver of my dreams. I choose to trust Him as I accept the anxiety that accompanies the feeling of suspense and incompleteness. It’s a constant choice, and not an easy one. But that just makes it that much more worth it. If it were easy, where would be the challenge and adventure of a life lived not only for God, but with God? So here I go.. I don’t know what comes next, or what my next step is.. but I know it will have to be a step of faith. Like my favorite scene from Indiana Jones, where he’s in the cave and can’t see that there’s a bridge stretching out right in front of him.. but he chooses to walk forward anyway.

That is the kind of trust I want to choose to have in God. It is major. It is life-changing. It is an adventure. And I love it.

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Thank you so much for your every prayer for Jon and his family. Please keep on praising, praying, and believing for his next scans to be great. Praise for all the healing that has been taking place and pray that it will continue, with no returning tumors. If you’re not familiar with this family, please take a few minutes to catch up on his story. Also, please continue praying for a job for my daddy. We are still waiting. There are some things that have to happen before the new position can be made, and we don’t know what those things are. God knows, though. Please keep praying.