“i’m knocking on Your door
won’t You answer?
i’m waiting for a word
or just a whisper
but if You can’t answer me this time
i can handle everthing just fine
’cause somehow i seem to think i have power
and i know best how to make things better
i try to carry everything alone
but now the time has come to let go

to trust You with my life
to believe You all the time
and to leave my doubt behind
oh to trust You with my life

will i ever learn to stop and listen
to keep knocking on Your door until it opens
teach me what it means to believe
that You are strong enough to carry me

oh, to trust You with my life
to believe You all the time
and to leave my doubt behind
oh, to trust You with my life
and to give You everything
all the deepest parts of me
and to know You’re always right
to trust You with my life

broken here before You on my knees
is my only hope of finding peace..”

~ “to trust You”.. by ginny owens

There are times when I find it really hard to just let go.. and simply trust God. You’d think I’d have it at least semi down by now, especially after these last couple of years. But.. I honestly still struggle with the waiting part, trusting blindly as I so long to know what’s next.

Waiting for a word.. or for just a tiny whisper. Just a hint.

Sometimes I think “if I just knew what was coming, I could wait so much more patiently”… but you know, I don’t really think that’s true. Much as I like to think it is, I know it’s not. If I knew what was next, or even if I knew what was in the distant future, I know that I would be trying to find ways around the waiting. I’d be trying to change the things that won’t be or seem to not be pleasant. I would be looking for how to go about it all in my own way.

Now really, how silly is that?! I know God has what’s best for me all planned out. I mean, He made me. He of course knows exactly what I need, down to the minutest detail.

Still it’s so human of me to want to just try to do it myself.

See, the thing about it, though, is that I really want to give it all over to Him. I really do. I am constantly praying about letting Him rule in my life, so constantly giving my every whim back over to Him. Again and again. And sometimes I honestly do really well with not trying to grab for it back. But sometimes I am horrible at this.

I know I’ve written these same things a million times or more.. guess that just goes to show how much of a constant lesson it is for me. I somehow don’t think I’m the only one though. This seems to be a battle that so many face every hour of every day. Sometimes it’s a more difficult battle than others, but nevertheless it is so everyday and so consistently an in-your-face lesson to be learned.

I have always loved this song by Ginny Owens, but I don’t think I ever really noticed the last line until today…

“broken here before You on my knees
is my only hope of finding peace”

How true that is.

My only hope of peace in this is being every second broken on my knees before my Maker. Going to Him about this when the trusting is hard as well as when it’s easy. Making Him my priority with every breath I take… and living out my knowledge that He gives me each of those breaths.

I choose to trust Him with my every breath. I choose to wait on Him and His timing. I choose to be broken before Him, on my knees, finding my peace in following Him and His perfect ways.